The F word

Okay get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about forgiveness today.
When some people or myself included hear the word forgiveness we sometimes act as if someone just swore at us. Forgive? Who? What did you say? I don’t need to forgive! They need to be sorry, They need to pay, He/She doesn’t deserve this and that!
I used to talk to my friend about “fairness” it wasn’t fair that her Dad an amazing Father, Pastor, and Husband ended passing away from cancer. The other hand my Dad who had done terrible things, hurt my Mum, myself and others, was living his life seemingly fine. It used to really annoy me and make me angry!

As I got older I thought I was fine, I had forgiven my Dad of the hurt he caused to people around him and if I didn’t have to talk about him or think about him then everything was just great! 

Moving to Japan brought up many undealt with issues for me, a lot of people were interested in my racial background, where my Mum was from, my Dad, how they met, where they live now, why I speak English, what they do for jobs…..etc 

Every single time these questions started I would get this super power and laser beams would shoot through my eyes and make holes in the wall! Haha not really okay but that’s what was happening inside if you could see what I was feeling.

One day I was journaling and I was asking God to show me any areas that I needed to change, forgiveness scriptures kept coming up and I was like “yeah forgiveness is good” and I felt God telling me “Hey, you have an issue of forgiveness, like rust on a car you’ve started out with a scratch and you’ve let it eat away at many parts of your life and you need to cut it out”. Well, that was a bit of a wake up call. I saw some areas where I was lacking joy, struggling in and almost every area was effected by this “rust”.
So I asked God “How then?” 
And a voice said “Trust me, am I the judge or you? Are you perfect or am I?” 

And I knew instead of letting God be God in that area of my life I was trying to hold on so that I could feel in charge of my situation. 

I had to make a decision to cut out that unforgiveness and see Gods healing power come through in my life. Letting go of hurts, disappointments and even injustice in my eyes because I don’t see the big picture and God always does.

Now I can freely talk about my childhood and about my Dad without destroying the room with laser beams but easily and calmly and God uses those situations always for his good.
I hope if you are dealing with the F word at the moment, Jesus has the power to heal you and set you free! Let God cut out your rust and make you new, free and full of joy! 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”‭‭ Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭

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