I wanted to get revenge.

Have you ever felt angry or hurt by someone and just wanted to get revenge? I know every person in this world has had a moment where they have been wronged, even my 3 year old son!

When I was in my last year of elementary school I stopped going because I was getting bullied. My Mum started taking me to work and I begged her to let me change schools. I went to a new school, made some friends and enjoyed going.

The first year of college I had my new friends to hang out with and I felt confident that the people that used to make me feel so low, deserved to feel the same way as they had made me feel. I would call them names, shout stuff at them at lunchtime, pull their hair in class and throw the top seal of my yogurt at them. At the end of the year one of the girls gave me a Christmas card and a small present and I had this flood of guilt come over me. I had acted out of hurt and resentment but It made me more angry and more bitter and not a nice person at all. I made the decision that the next year I would show love, forgiveness and kindness to people around me and not try and repay the feeling that I had felt back, why would I ever want someone to feel like that anyway! Even at the age of 14 I knew I was suppose to live and love differently than what the normal is.

Recently, I have been reading about David in the Bible. King Saul who was his father in-law, the king that he had helped get through many battles, his best friends father and the one he played music to make him calm, was determined to kill David. Chasing him and sending armies after David. Because Saul was Jealous of David he tried to take his life. David hid in caves and literally ran from his home to stay alive.

What really spoke to me in this all of this how David responded, when David got the chance to kill Saul he chose not to but instead said these very words “As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.” ‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭24:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There are so many chances to repay evil with evil, but God has called us to repay hurt with love and forgiveness and when we do that, we can live free lives, free from the weight of holding onto Past hurts, “I should have said this” or next time “I’ll show them.” We can’t control other peoples actions, but we can control how we respond and act. Let God be God in your situation. Don’t dwell on the wrongs that have been done , don’t let yourself be weighed down by a chance to get revenge, but look at the good and that Jesus has set us free, He wants us to live differently, go to Him for healing not holding onto the chance for revenge because he doesn’t want that to be our burden or our responsibility. Instead of cursing, love. In place of  hate, bring Gods ways into every area of your life. God will have his way fully in your life because you have let Him. 

And now that I think of it, if I had never felt the need to move schools, I may have not made one the the most precious friendships that I still have to this day.

Ecclesiates 3:11 “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”

 

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Uproot

We’ve just started cleaning up my Mums property this week after years, maybe 10 or more of letting plants just grow. This house is not like your average backyard, it is a pretty huge section with trees, blackberry bush and craziness taking over.

I remember when some of the vines were tiny and picking of a few berries as a teen.

Now the roots run deep, it’s even hard to find where the source is, some vines had pulled down fences and our friend even came in with a digger to rip bushes out. But when we pulled them out and cut, dug, ripped those tree and bushes out we were all surprised how much room there was and how much light was getting into the section.

Oh how much is this like our lives. When we have something undealt with. An issue, hurt, insecurities, areas of weakness, unforgiveness, things we think we can just leave and walk away and months or years later we find ourselves crossing boundaries we have put up, saying, thinking or acting in ways which are not in line with how we would like to live, or helpful for a fruitful life.

It’s almost hard to find the root of the problem or the cause sometimes. “Why am I getting so angry?” …”Why can I not control that area of my life?”…..”Why am I so sensitive to those words”, I don’t know what it is but I know it could be a list of things for many people.

We can’t just leave things to “be” and hope time will make it “go away”.

We need to be open to cut down those brunches and find the source and uproot it. Getting healing and help through Jesus is the absolute best way and he sometimes makes us work through it slowly cutting each brunch and in some amazing points He comes in with that powerful word which is like the digger pulling everything out from the roots.

I am choosing to keep an eye out for any “brunches” that don’t look fruitful, cut them and uproot the source before it gets out of hand and am so excited for all the room there is for growth and fruitfulness in all areas of life as I do this.

It’s a New Year and isn’t that the best time to reflect and decide to do the best for yourself and those around you by letting Him transform you into your best!

Happy gardening 🙂

The F word

Okay get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about forgiveness today.
When some people or myself included hear the word forgiveness we sometimes act as if someone just swore at us. Forgive? Who? What did you say? I don’t need to forgive! They need to be sorry, They need to pay, He/She doesn’t deserve this and that!
I used to talk to my friend about “fairness” it wasn’t fair that her Dad an amazing Father, Pastor, and Husband ended passing away from cancer. The other hand my Dad who had done terrible things, hurt my Mum, myself and others, was living his life seemingly fine. It used to really annoy me and make me angry!

As I got older I thought I was fine, I had forgiven my Dad of the hurt he caused to people around him and if I didn’t have to talk about him or think about him then everything was just great! 

Moving to Japan brought up many undealt with issues for me, a lot of people were interested in my racial background, where my Mum was from, my Dad, how they met, where they live now, why I speak English, what they do for jobs…..etc 

Every single time these questions started I would get this super power and laser beams would shoot through my eyes and make holes in the wall! Haha not really okay but that’s what was happening inside if you could see what I was feeling.

One day I was journaling and I was asking God to show me any areas that I needed to change, forgiveness scriptures kept coming up and I was like “yeah forgiveness is good” and I felt God telling me “Hey, you have an issue of forgiveness, like rust on a car you’ve started out with a scratch and you’ve let it eat away at many parts of your life and you need to cut it out”. Well, that was a bit of a wake up call. I saw some areas where I was lacking joy, struggling in and almost every area was effected by this “rust”.
So I asked God “How then?” 
And a voice said “Trust me, am I the judge or you? Are you perfect or am I?” 

And I knew instead of letting God be God in that area of my life I was trying to hold on so that I could feel in charge of my situation. 

I had to make a decision to cut out that unforgiveness and see Gods healing power come through in my life. Letting go of hurts, disappointments and even injustice in my eyes because I don’t see the big picture and God always does.

Now I can freely talk about my childhood and about my Dad without destroying the room with laser beams but easily and calmly and God uses those situations always for his good.
I hope if you are dealing with the F word at the moment, Jesus has the power to heal you and set you free! Let God cut out your rust and make you new, free and full of joy! 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”‭‭ Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭