Finding my voice again

A few years ago I had to have an operation to cut off some nodules affecting my vocal chords.
The nodules changed my singing, work life and the way I spoke sounded husky and low. I’d lose my voice every couple of weeks and it was often painful to talk. 
After my operation I was told not to speak for 2 weeks…..2 weeks! These 2 weeks felt Like 2 months. I had to communicate by writing . No laughing, coughing or whispering allowed. I am someone who laughs everyday and loves to talk! I felt I had lost a big part of myself.

When it was time for me to get my check up and vocal training, the moment they asked me to speak my heart raced, I was so scared, would my voice sound weird? Would it hurt?
It felt like I was on the top of a cliff trying to jump into a water hole…I am terrified of heights. We just sat in silence.

The Doctor realized I was scared and took me through slow easy excerises to ease me into speaking again. Blowing bubbles through a straw, small breathing and talking. I hadn’t done before, I mean what adult needs to practice talking? 
When I heard my voice I was pretty surprised, I didn’t realize how much it had changed with the nodules. My voice was crisper, clearer, and strangely I was almost more familiar with the damaged state than my real voice.

Slowly, my voice became stronger, I started using my words more wisely, I chose the times where I would sing and when I wouldn’t, when to raise my voice, when to keep quiet, what was worth talking about and what was worth keeping to myself. 
Later that year I had one of the most memorable and powerful experiences, leading over a thousand people in a worship song in Japan, which I would not have been able to do if I have not gone through the operation. 
In life I think is the same, we get hurt, need to heal, change an area of our lives and suddenly we feel scared. Scared to say the wrong thing or to start again, will it hurt? Will it be weird? We are so used to our damaged state that being healed and whole is a little unfamiliar. 
But we need to try again, learning from our past mistakes and finding our voice again. 
Using the pause time to reflect, reassess and see what really is important and what you have been damaging yourself with. 

Part of the healing process is taking those steps forward to use what was once damaged. And like that vocal coach God sees our fears and he sees our uncertainty and he can guide us even in the smallest ways so that we can inturn find our voice again and help others in ways we couldn’t have unless we had overcome. 
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬
Your voice maybe just showing Gods love though you’ve been hurt.Being generous, though at one point you had nothing to give.Being a great friend though you’ve been rejected by others.It could be writing a song, committing to a church, following a dream. 
Whatever it is find your voice! 

Let’s take on the challenges, smile in the victories, get rid of the garbage, reflect, dream and trust God every step of the way. 
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Why I am not enough

I often hear the saying “If you believe in yourself, you can do anything”. Well, that is definitely not true for me. 

I know I have faults, I am not perfect and need a consistent in my life that would help me through my high successes, struggles, decisions and relationships.

I need favor when there is a job interview or a decision that does not rely soley on me.

Trying to just “believe” in myself would only complicate, disappoint and falsify everything that is at work in my life. 

Believing in God and what Jesus has done for me on the cross I then can do life victoriously and do the impossible.
“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:26‬ ‭

I am not enough but Jesus is. 
He is enough:To help me to love more.

To show me direction.

To find me favor.

To open doors.

To close doors.

To give me peace.

To give strength.

To take away shame and regret.

To live victorious.

To dream.

To make a way when there seems no way.

To give me hope when hope is lost.

To give me joy.

To give me freedom.

To heal me.

To help me forgive.

To be a better Mum.

To be a better friend.

To be the best wife. 

To comfort me when I am sad.

To rejoice with me when I am happy.

To light my path.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”‭‭ Psalm‬ ‭119:105‬ ‭

Gods words can light the way for each step I take. When it feel like there is darkness all around, He shows me the light and when I feel like there is nothing more in me to give , He pours his love and it overflows onto others. 

With Him all things are possible! 

There is nothing too insignificant or too large for him. 

Not depending on myself but depending on Him!

So if you are feeling like you are not enough…..that is 100% okay, because by yourself you may not be, BUT in Jesus you are more than enough.

I guess I could say “If you believe in JESUS, then you can do anything!”

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭

Who am I?

People find their identity in many things: nationality , History, Social status, What people have said about them, Facebook , Instagram followers, An accomplishment, a failure, Education, Job, Money, Things, Hobbies, Mother or Father, Talents and Gifts, Beauty, Children.

We are not these things, these may be things that we have done or have in this current time but we are not these things or situations.
We should be forever changing….
Let’s take some examples for us from the bible! 

 Who was David? Son, brother, shephard, singer song writer, warrior, king, adulterer, muderer, humble, friend.

Who was Peter? Fisherman, disciple, trustworthy, passionate, betrayer, friend, preacher, martyr.
We can see here that even people who we read about in the bible and look to for examples of people that God used continued to change, they had ups and downs. Sometimes they were good sometimes they were bad.
Sometimes they were confident sometimes they were scared, unsure.

Its easy to ask the question who am I? 

But we can be full of joy because we know God creates in us something that grows inside us and we continue to change. 

Phil1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

We cannot judge ourselves or anyone else based on their lowest point or their highest point because everyone has the potential to make a great decision or a bad one. 
Don’t feel ashamed or believe in something someone said negative about you.
Don’t think that bad decision or lowest point IS you.
Don’t think that that place where you felt great or had a victory is the high point Of your life and that’s that. 

God knew when we were born, when no one else did, HE knew what we are.

So expect more from life and believe God will continue to work in you and walk with you.

Discover him….so you can discover you.

Gods word= our identity.

What does his word say? Gods word brings light to our life showing us who we are and HOW to live!
For me I felt almost misplaced sometimes, Half Japanese- land of nowhere, where do I belong? An Only child, Fatherless, No family around me, A Victim, a horrible person. Married, a Mother, A Daughter, Sushi shop owner, a surfer, a Teacher, a friend.

When we moved to Japan everything was gone, my friends, my reputation, hobbies, what people knew about me, company…

I Just had my marriage and that could have been Easily gone.
But the Closer to God I got the more confident I got in life. There is more adventure in him. We sometimes make mistakes, I have fallen down, but I get up and shine, and I am full of hope and life because he doesn’t change and his view on us does not change.
Psalm119: 105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

We can find our true identity in Christ as Gods child.
You are Highly favored.

You are Fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are a Friend of God….famous in his eyes.

You are Loved.

You are Precious – bought with a price.

You are the Body of Christ – we all are a part of it. You are needed and function as his hands and feet.

You are Given what Jesus has! 

When we can be sure of who we are, it brings a confidence more than what you could have if it was based on something or someone or an action. 

One with Christ- we are not striving to be more of something.
We are not scared of what others think.

We are not held back by thoughts of failure or regret. We Become more confident to be all we are created to be!

I can’t do anything more to be more Gods child, But I want be the best I can be for God because I love him! 

If we base our value and identity on Things that cannot be taken away, we can rise higher and be more than we thought or dream of and God sees it all! 

Discover and be more confident daily, knowing who you really are! 

I have a question.

I have a question. How much do you spend? How much money do you spend on your physical appearance a day/month/year – Make up, hair touch ups styles, new shoes, new nails, jewelry.

How much time do you spend? How much time does it take for you to get ready ? For you to do that make up or straighten that hair? How many minutes does it take for you to pick the right clothes and be prepared for your day? 

Now the important question. 

How much money and time do you spend on your spiritual appearance and health? How much time a day are you spending getting yourself prepared for the day? 

How much money have you set aside this month to improve your spirit? 

How many minutes did you give to the most important part of you? 
We tend to spend so much money and time trying to cover the blemishes on our skin and yet we neglect to try and heal the Brokeness of our spirits. 
I remember a time when I was becoming more and more concerned about my physical appearance and spending more time and more money to try and make myself look better. Working out that little bit more, trying more, buying more.

I cared a lot about my outside appearance but my inside was getting uglier as each day went by. I was neglecting looking at working on my inside Beauty and working on my spiritual health.
How important is it to get the reflection time, prayer and dream time for you? 

For me I know it’s the most important thing.
We can change. How about giving yourself that time.

Personally As I started on a new journey to prioritize my spiritual self it grew an inner confidence and beauty that you can’t get from the outside. 
I’m not saying looking after the outside isn’t important but what I am saying is looking after the inside is just as or if not more worthy of time and resources. 
Buy that book, read that blog, listen to the inspiring message, give, heal, go to God as your source, reflect, dare to dream again, pray.
See your worth and make that time. 
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬