A few years ago I had to have an operation to cut off some nodules affecting my vocal chords.
The nodules changed my singing, work life and the way I spoke sounded husky and low. I’d lose my voice every couple of weeks and it was often painful to talk.
After my operation I was told not to speak for 2 weeks…..2 weeks! These 2 weeks felt Like 2 months. I had to communicate by writing . No laughing, coughing or whispering allowed. I am someone who laughs everyday and loves to talk! I felt I had lost a big part of myself.
When it was time for me to get my check up and vocal training, the moment they asked me to speak my heart raced, I was so scared, would my voice sound weird? Would it hurt?
It felt like I was on the top of a cliff trying to jump into a water hole…I am terrified of heights. We just sat in silence.
The Doctor realized I was scared and took me through slow easy excerises to ease me into speaking again. Blowing bubbles through a straw, small breathing and talking. I hadn’t done before, I mean what adult needs to practice talking?
When I heard my voice I was pretty surprised, I didn’t realize how much it had changed with the nodules. My voice was crisper, clearer, and strangely I was almost more familiar with the damaged state than my real voice.
Slowly, my voice became stronger, I started using my words more wisely, I chose the times where I would sing and when I wouldn’t, when to raise my voice, when to keep quiet, what was worth talking about and what was worth keeping to myself.
Later that year I had one of the most memorable and powerful experiences, leading over a thousand people in a worship song in Japan, which I would not have been able to do if I have not gone through the operation.
In life I think is the same, we get hurt, need to heal, change an area of our lives and suddenly we feel scared. Scared to say the wrong thing or to start again, will it hurt? Will it be weird? We are so used to our damaged state that being healed and whole is a little unfamiliar.
But we need to try again, learning from our past mistakes and finding our voice again.
Using the pause time to reflect, reassess and see what really is important and what you have been damaging yourself with.
Part of the healing process is taking those steps forward to use what was once damaged. And like that vocal coach God sees our fears and he sees our uncertainty and he can guide us even in the smallest ways so that we can inturn find our voice again and help others in ways we couldn’t have unless we had overcome.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”1 Peter 5:7 NIV
Your voice maybe just showing Gods love though you’ve been hurt.Being generous, though at one point you had nothing to give.Being a great friend though you’ve been rejected by others.It could be writing a song, committing to a church, following a dream.
Whatever it is find your voice!
Let’s take on the challenges, smile in the victories, get rid of the garbage, reflect, dream and trust God every step of the way.
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10 NIV